With all the hoopla around team Chorizo being added to the sausage race last week, no one noticed that the Italian was edged out at the finish line by the German runner. Very suspicious indeed, as we, I mean the Italians had won 19 of that month's previous races. I submit that the German runner must have been on the juice to beat such a vastly superior pork product. And I will not stop until the truth comes out.

When asked who he thought could have fixed the race, Mel Gibson was quoted as saying: "C'mon, you know who."