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Ten Creepiest Icons in Advertising History
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HeadOn.jpg

Head On - Apply Directly to your Forehead
Head On - Apply Directly to your Forehead
Head On - Kill your parents
Head On - Join Us
Head On - Apply Directly to your Forehead

Yup...I taped it and slowed it down 500 percent, and that's what I heard. Meanwhile, a headache-curing product called Head On is permanently fused in my long-term memory, but I have no idea what Capital One is, or why David Spade hits a fat guy every time he says "yes" at the Capital One plant. So, what's the better spot?

And what's the deal with creepy commercials, anyway? Or more to the point, creepy advertising icons. For every cottonelle puppy that skips across the screen, there's a really twisted king on vacation from my last nightmare, or staring in a window offering someone a whopper with cheese...and the weird part is that he's the one kicking ass. So much so, that McDonalds tried to creep out the clown in defense. What? Do we like hearing sales pitches from mental facility escapees? Or is it just that it takes Freddy Kruger to "break through the clutter" (God, I hate that phrase). Anyway...seemed ripe territory for a list, so I put together ten of the creepiest icons in adland history, as a tribute to messed-up art directors everywhere...enjoy.

PS: One last thing. After I finished, I looked back and realized...Holy Shit, this would be the best Real World house MTV could ever dream of. There's gotta be a way we can make that happen.

10) Crazy Eddie
CrazyEddie.jpg
Let's start with a legend. You know Crazy Eddie. We all know Crazy Eddie. His prices were IN-SAAANNNNNE, and he'd nearly jump out of the tv to prove it. Only it was years later that we'd all find out the Crazy Eddie chain was so crooked, they were probably using the money they should've used to buy that guys meds to pay off the cops, instead. Can you imagine if we had 3D tv back then. I remember I'd always ask my dad...Father, is that guy nuts? And dad would slap me, and we'd laugh and laugh and...


9) The Brawny Guy
BrawnyGuy.jpg
Ok, he's cooked a great meal. He's even baked a birthday cake, and he's in the kitchen, waiting with puppy in hand, for...his WIFE??? Are you friggin' kidding me. The Brawny guy's in the closet deeper than my high school diploma. He shares a locker back there with Tom Cruise and the American Idol dude. A woman's perfect man? Are you high? And look, nothing against gay guys...got alot of gay friends...whatever you do in the privacy of your own blah, blah, blah. But you know it's guys like Mr. Brawny that troll Facebook looking for 12 year old dates for the Village Parade. And I'm pretty sure that's at least a misdemeaner. Someone's gotta help this guy before he snaps. And for God sakes, ladies...get a clue.


8) Everyone that lives in Mentos World
mentos.jpg
I remember when the Mentos commercials first came on. You needed to watch them like, two or three times to figure out if it was you or them. Then you'd go through this whole thought process thing...Do they know how weird these are? Are they making fun of other weird commercials? Is there a place in Europe where people really act like this? Is this some sort of plot? Are those people that all wore Nikes actually dead? What country did the nazis they didn't catch go to? You know what, I still don't know what the deal was, and all the Foo Fighters videos in the world won't make them seem any less freaky. If anyone's ever spoken with the people that made these spots, I think the entire planet would love to know just what the hell they were thinking.


7) Mother Nature
MotherNature.jpg
Back in the 70's there was a woman on tv who told me it "wasn't nice to fool Mother Nature". Back in the 70's there were also about a dozen nuns at St. Mary's Institute in upstate New York that made me stay after school two or three times a week for various petty crimes. (Look, Sister Margaret, I won that money fair and square.) I don't know, maybe this one's a little personal. But you try wearing a hunter green courdoroy blazer to school for four years, and see if the butter commercials don't start freaking you out, too.


6) The FedEx Fast Talker
FedExGuy.jpg
Many people don't know this, but when he wasn't driving his co-workers insane on the phone, the FedEx fast talker actually operated a meth lab in Fresno, California. What do you think all that "Peter would be perfect in Pittsurgh" and "Dick have you done the deal with Dave" crap was? In the early 80's, one out every two FedEx letters that left the Memphis hub was going to someone that absolutely, positively needed it the next day, or they'd scratch through their own arms to let the bugs out. If I ever do a top ten closet speed freaks in tv history list, guess who number one is?


5) The Evil Easter Bunny
NutsBunny.jpg
I'm just sitting there, enjoying the Super Bowl, checking out the commercials in between trips to refill my chili bowl. Oh that's cute, he's talking to a bunny. Wait, is there something..what the hell is up with...what is that thing? What rejected Lewis Carroll novella did he hop out of? And wait, is that Santa? Why is he dressed in black? Did he get attacked by that Spiderman alien crap? And what's with the emaciated unicorn? What the fuck is in this chili, anyway? Dear Emerald people, your nuts suck! Sincerely, Jellio (By the way, I did try them, and they really do suck. I don't know how you screw up nuts, but they found a way)


4) The bugs that live in my toes
Lamisil.jpg
Ever since I started seeing these guys, I've got the cleanest toes on the planet. Thanks for the head trip, buddy. And you don't limit the assault to just tv, do you? You slimy little parasite. You attack me all over the web, as well. Because I just love watching insects lift toenails to about a 45 degree angle, and then crawl under and start digging a foxhole. I'll bet you've got a deal worked with the fast talking asshole. It's not bad enough that we're being invaded by bed bugs. I've gotta worry about toe-gremlins. And here's the most annoying part. Lamisil has just what I need to fight these beasties. That is, if I don't mind diarrhea, upset stomach, nausea, abdominal pain, flatulence (love that one), rash, itching, hives, and liver abnormalities. But it will clean my toes, right?


3) This Freak
EnzyteGuy.jpg
Do you really wanna know what he's packing, because I sure don't. And you know what, I especially don't need to know on Sunday morning...while I'm enjoying my McGriddle and Hotcakes combo platter...trying to figure out why Tim Russert is soft-balling Condi Rice again. NO!!! I don't want to know why every guy in the neighborhood has such a limp and lifeless garden hose, while your geraniums are the happiest on the block. NO!!! I don't need to see your shorts floating in the pool again. Who's buying your god-damned pants anyway, and why do they keep slipping off? Jesus, I'm content with the size of all my appendages. SO GET...THE FUCK...OFF MY TV...NOW! (And what kind of name is Enzyte, anyway?)


2) The Burger King
TheKinger.jpg
Sure, we've already mentioned the king, so you knew he'd be here. And don't forget his buddy, the devil's poultry, himself. (You wanna know how'd I like it, how about decapitated.) Thing is, I think the king represents a watershed moment in advertising. With the success he's brought to BK, I think this creepy thing is just kicking into high gear. You saw how McDonalds responded. And have you seen the Quaker Oats guy lately? Yup, this is gonna get worse before it gets better. And his highness would've taken the top spot, if it weren't for...


1) Cookie Puss
CookiePuss.jpg
Oh Cookie Puss, when you pranced around the tv in Carvel World, you scared the shit out of children all across the tri-state area. For those unfamiliar with the creamy goodness, Cookie Puss was a delicious ice cream treat made in the 70's by Tom Carvel, the visionary who also gave us Fudgy the Whale (I think you can still buy them today). But the best part of the Carvel spots was hearing Cookie Puss speak. He had a voice like those ringtones that adults can't hear. Then Tom Carvel would come on, with his three-pack-a-day growl, for the hard-sell. See, it's the ying and yang of it all that made it so special. Mr Carvel, bless his soul, is no longer with us. But to this day, at birthday tables all across the five boroughs, you can still hear ten year olds turn to their mothers and say...Mom, what the hell is that?


And THAT, Children...is how Cookie Puss beat the King.


Don't believe me...listen for yourself.

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120 Comments

Two comments:

1) How the hell did you manage to leave off th damn devil bear from the Snuggles commercial.

2) For anyone happening in here who works at an ad agency, I felt the need to point out that the author of this piece is an advertising man - specifically, an Account Guy. And as an Account Guy who writes our funniest pieces here, he's probably the best damn writer I ever met. So someone please give this guy a job in a Creative Department, so that he too can create evil advertising monsters.

said Scaramouch on August 10, 2006 9:35 AM.

Hey where's the famous Norton's Furniture ads...you want creepy check these out!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ygjl8uklJKI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRmYo8Wfuk4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4jubP3t27IQ

http://www.nothingtoxic.com/uploads/0c5b5543bb9ca9f9439eeb1a25d6be6d.wmv

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOs67k72e6o

said Mike on August 10, 2006 10:15 AM.

I, too, work in advertising; as a copywriter.

You forgot Mr. Whipple, the perverted toilet paper squeezing freak.

said Ryan on August 10, 2006 10:33 AM.

Let's be grateful the brand extension of Head-On, FREEDhEM (freedom from hemorrhoids? FREEDhem!) didn't have an icon. Or did it -- I couldn't look.

said everysandwich on August 10, 2006 11:10 AM.

How could you leave off those creepy cock-eyed Quiznos rat-creatures from a few years ago? The ones with the giant mouths and the messed up teeth? "They got a pepper bar!" Man, I still have nightmares about those things.

said Elemeno P on August 10, 2006 11:42 AM.

I loved those Quizno's creature things! I would piss a little watching those commercials. I hope YouTube has a vid of those...

said PerpetualKid on August 10, 2006 11:58 AM.

El...the Quiznos things. That's a great one.

said Jellio on August 10, 2006 12:06 PM.

those Quiznos creatures are the creation of a very twisted animator:

www.rathergood.com

said nate on August 10, 2006 12:14 PM.

I'm so with you on the Lamisil bugs. I used to nearly scream EVERY time I loaded my Yahoo mail or looked at Yahoo news, 'cause they were always there to creep me right out.

Burger King guy is like IT by Stephen King, in a way. Just scary.

said Leigh on August 10, 2006 12:19 PM.

Bwahahahah, you're actually threatened by the Brawny man. We get it, you can't cook, don't clean, and haven't bought a thoughtful gift in your life. Does a gay man carve with a chain saw and chop wood...? Any man that does these things MUST be gay...?

/you've got one lucky SO

said NOW Laughter on August 10, 2006 12:19 PM.

Regarding the above slur on the Snuggles Bear: How can you say that? "Snuggles" is the cutest, softest, best friend one could have. He's always there when I'm down, ready to pick me up. He tells me lttle jokes and talks to me. He reminds me never to leave the house without my scissors or Lone Ranger mask. He tells me which body parts can be pickled and which must be eaten warm. He's never to busy to tell me he wuvs me, and how we must rid the world of the bad people.

He is angel sent from heaven, is what he is...

said Tralfaz on August 10, 2006 12:22 PM.

I miss the original Brawny man with his brawny beard.

said Merkutio on August 10, 2006 12:23 PM.

Two additions: the Quiznos talking, lipless mice. Those freaked me out, man. And the Snuggle bear. Anyone who's read a particular book of Theodore Sturgeon short stories will be particularly mind-frotzed by seeing the Snuggle bear--all I can imagine when I see it is the bear in the story with its mouth full of blood...

That said, have to particularly agree with the King (I shudder in horror and turn away from the TV when he comes on) and the toe-bugs. And, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who just sat there going "the hell?!" at the Mentos ads.

said Heather on August 10, 2006 12:28 PM.

Hey Now Laughter...google the words "the Brawny guy" and check out the first post on towelroad.com. I'm definitely not the only guy that thinks he's odd.

And I give awesome gifts.

said Jellio on August 10, 2006 12:31 PM.

Why do I feel like Bob Saget should be the dude in that photo of "The Brawny Guy"?

Oh, and for some reason the phrase, "...Google the words 'The Brawny Guy'..." is just asking for trouble... that's a frightening prospect.

said the boy on August 10, 2006 12:41 PM.

When I watched that video for the Cookie Puss, my cat found a way onto the table and almost killed my monitor.

said Jonathan on August 10, 2006 12:44 PM.

*NERD ALERT*

The "Fedex Fast Talker" was John Moschitta, the voice of Blur on the Transformers movie and series (mid 80's).

said Hank on August 10, 2006 12:45 PM.

How can you not put the Puttermans on this list. That scary Duracell family from the late 80s?

http://www.tvacres.com/admascots_puttermans.htm

said Jeremy on August 10, 2006 12:49 PM.

rathergood.com is the site of the guy who created those Quiznos creatures. He calls them Spongmonkeys, and you can find the original Flash that the ad was based on on that site. He is a strange man. The song is called "We Like The Moon". You're in for it now.

said meh on August 10, 2006 12:55 PM.

I have to agree with the King thing, That one where the guy lifts the blinds and BOOM! There he is creeped me out for days. The one I hate more than anything was when ESPN was promoting for their game show the thing called the ANSWER! Some little person in some kind of brown suit mumbling things. Creeps me right out!

said House on August 10, 2006 1:02 PM.

The Quiznos "things" were called sponge monkeys. FYI

said GonzoJohn on August 10, 2006 1:02 PM.

how could you forget the noid? the pizza dude from way back? and how about that mcdonald's moon-head guy? i geuss he wasn't so creepy

also, i agree that the king is creepy as hell, but in a really awesome way

said nailed to eternity on August 10, 2006 1:05 PM.

What about Mr. Whipple? I was always afraid he would catch me squeezing the Charmin.

said dnagal on August 10, 2006 1:05 PM.

It's more obscure, but I find this Allianz commercial the creepiest of all. Google allianz promise representations to find a webpage that has an embedded video of it.
*shiver*

said Craig on August 10, 2006 1:09 PM.

The orriginal Quiznos monkey-things are the creation of the guy who runs rathergood.com (check out the song called "we like the moon"). Some of the stuff he has there is a little off color and all of it is very strange.

said lud on August 10, 2006 1:14 PM.

How about the lady who sang the jingle in the "Chock Full of Nuts" coffee commercials? "Chock full of nuts is that heavenly coffee. Better coffee millionaires' money can't buy." She couldn't sing and I think in one ad they dressed her up like Tinker Bell. She gets my vote.

said jeremy on August 10, 2006 1:19 PM.

how about the little ceaser's guy...

"Pizza pizza"

said ian on August 10, 2006 1:19 PM.

Hey Mike, I just watched a couple of those Norton Furniture spots...holy crap.

said Jellio on August 10, 2006 1:21 PM.

How about that freaky old guy from the six flags commercial. (Is it six flags? I'm not sure, I'm not from the US, but you know... that popular amusement park)

said alison on August 10, 2006 1:22 PM.

Hey, nothing about the Noid?

"Avoid the Noid". You betcha. Like the plague!

said Heathen on August 10, 2006 1:25 PM.

How could you leave off that scary devil thing from the recent car (volkswagon?) commercials?

said John on August 10, 2006 1:36 PM.

The winner really should be the "Snap into a slim jim" professional wrestler guy. The camera would hold just a little too long on him after he was done, uh, snapping.

Now that I think about it, there was a really creepy wrestler who hung out with kids in a treehouse and was obsessed with Alphabits...

which makes me think of that pimp Honey Smacks bear.

Hmm. Commercials are weird.

said Waldo on August 10, 2006 1:52 PM.

Jellio,
I love you for putting on Carvel! My kids and I were there the other day and I was telling them about Tom Carvel. His voice is actually not featured on the video you linked to, but was on one of the other clips on Youtube.I think it was the Cupid one. Man, brings back memories.

said Cindy on August 10, 2006 1:53 PM.

What about that cell phone commercial they filmed in a Chuck E Cheese. Kids were jumping around to the tune of Godsmack's "Straight out of line". That was disturbing...

said rlandrum on August 10, 2006 1:58 PM.

Ya gotta have the dork from Verizon
"Can ya hear me now?" Take two steps "Can ya hear me now?" Take two steps "Can ya hear me now?"
Can ya shut up now?? Please

said Tony on August 10, 2006 2:02 PM.

There's one really creepy character no one has mentioned. He vaguely resembled Arte Johnson on Laugh In, and he was always luring little boys into his garage to see his cars. I don't remeber the Japanese car company he represented (Nissan?) but I'll never forget how disturbing he was with his crazed grins.

said Roger on August 10, 2006 2:05 PM.

No, I know who you missed. That old creepy guy with the dog from the car ads. I believe it was Mazda- I don't remember, except he would just pop up out of nowhere in these ads. Really weird

said acolyte on August 10, 2006 2:10 PM.

I remember those Carvel commercials running durring episodes of Clutch Cargo...

I'm better now... really. *twitch*

said Unseelie on August 10, 2006 2:27 PM.

The Quiznos doohickeys are called spongemonkeys if you aren't singing the "we looove the subs" song right now, there's something very wrong.

Joe Isuzu was a pretty disturbing dude. And how did we leave out Captain Morgan? I do not now, nor have I ever, had "a little bit of cap'n in me." That's just gross.

said Jake on August 10, 2006 2:30 PM.

About five years ago, Snickers had the "Not going anywhere?" ad campaign, featuring a whackjob who held his entire office hostage as he talked "for" a panda in a magazine. "I'm so PREEETTY! PretttyPrettyDANCING..."

Made me throw up in my mouth, just a little.

said commatose on August 10, 2006 2:32 PM.

i always thought there was something off about that cookie-puss voice. back when i was living in NY (4th-6th grade) we were pretty insulated from things like CRACK, or PCP, or Whippits. but something about that creepy-ass space-voice shit always made me think, 'something isn't right.' just didn't have the vocabulary for putting my finger on it, though.
frickin' speed-freak-skank-breath huffin' mother.

and i had the heebie-jeebies for days after the first King commercial as well, when the guy rolls over in bed and that creepy-ass giant shmoo-outfit perma-grin fool was in bed with that dude!?

CRIPES!

said brandon on August 10, 2006 3:08 PM.

How can you leave out the insanity that is the Gillette commercials?

said FastJeff on August 10, 2006 4:01 PM.

Let's not forget the guy in the Right Guard commercial who was on the other side of the medicine cabinet. "Hi Guy!"

"Mo-naaaaa!"

said Hiram Q. Pustule on August 10, 2006 4:45 PM.

I always thought teddy ruxpin was a little creepy, in a evil sadistic teddy bear way, and the Noid made me nervous. Then there was the Hawaiian fruit punch guy. everytime he came on i just wanted to punch the screen but i didn't because that would have hurt a lot. But still he was a lil weird.

said cj on August 10, 2006 4:54 PM.

I agree...the one that gets me is the creepy old dancing guy in the Six Flags spots. One of the most repulsive ads ever. And yeah, the Duracell family spots were more like the Energizer Bunny...they kept going, and going, etc

said ristst on August 10, 2006 5:07 PM.

what about that poorly rendered computer generated ugly-ass french bee in those nasonex ads flying around with the passion of a pepe' le pew?

said thid on August 10, 2006 5:21 PM.

I too work in an ad agency. I have to second (or third or whatever) the creepy SF dude. And the Burger King. Jebus, what is that supposed to be?

But is anyone else creeped out by all the talking animals? Why do so many of them talk on ads now? Is it because none of them can be arrested, so they're considered safe for the purposes of endorsement?

The gecko, the cows, the puppies that talk and sing in little kid voices, they are all creepy as hell. And annoying.

I'm not a Creative, so I don't know what the hell those people can be thinking most of the time. Personally, I think talking animals and creepy dancing people are what you pull out of your ass when you have absolutely nothing better to put on the table.

said LL on August 10, 2006 5:47 PM.

How can you not have the people with the Duracel batteries in thier backs on this list?

said bc1042 on August 10, 2006 6:25 PM.

So Grateful for the Cookie Puss vid first off, Beastie Boys have a whole track dedicated to it...and never really knew what the hell Cookie Puss was. I think the king is the shit because he is creepy, in this day and age it makes no sense to show a product and show "and here are this wonderful products merits" unless the ad is coupled with beautiful people to enduce self loathing. Ad men just need people to look, and a plain jane ad just won't do it. The head on ad actually makes me want to kill people however, are we to beleive that you've invented a magic balm that goes through skin and skull to reach the entire surface area of the brain and soothe it ? I wish all ads were in this format actually, i can only imagine the hilarity that would ensue. TACO BELL! put it in yo face, TACO BELL! stuff some in yo grill ! Although it was a short run and maybe 7 years ago, i would have tried to work in the creepy ass Duracell Battery plastic family, that was right around the time i started smoking pot, and i cowered in fear at their well powered sheen every time i saw that puppy come on.

said Tim on August 10, 2006 7:48 PM.

The "creepy old dancing guy" in the Six Flags spots isn't an old guy at all:

http://www.pauldavidson.net/2006/02/01/mr-six-revealed

said Joe D. on August 10, 2006 9:47 PM.

The Waffle-whiffer. Need I say more?

said Milo Balsac on August 10, 2006 9:54 PM.

Also the lamest stupidest most pathetic comm is Red Bull.

said Milo Balsac on August 10, 2006 9:58 PM.

The freakiest commercial ever is the one for some cereal with nuts that the squirrels are invading kitchens for. I don't even know what cereal it's for because the thought of rodents invading my kitchen cabinets freaks me out too much to watch the ad! It seems to be a theme - maybe all from the same evil ad agency - because I've noticed other ads with squirrels conspiring & out to get us! Someone must tell them: "Evil rodents with fluffy tails: Not a selling feature, guys!"

said erica on August 10, 2006 10:27 PM.

I agree that the Six Flags guy and Joey Izuzu should be on there too :)

said Cool Breeze on August 10, 2006 10:37 PM.

I don't know if these were just local, but there were ads for PODS (Personal On Demand Storage) and the weird guy in there was a total creep machine. Also, the ads for Zaxbys, where people are standing all alone in a totally white room, practically orgasmic over these chicken wings...there was one particular one where a woman was making chicken sounds. I will never go into that restaurant because of those horrifying ads!!

said Weezer on August 10, 2006 10:53 PM.

Just a note...Sad story...the guy in the Crazy Eddie commericals is a radio broadcaster named Jerry Carroll. A genuinely nice man who I worked with occasionally. Jerry took the job as the TV pitch man for Crazy Eddie and then the real Crazy Eddie turned out to be a crook.

Carroll had a hard time finding work after that because the public associated him so much with those commericials.

BTW---you forgot the weirdest commercial of all...from Burger King...the whole "I'm not Herb phenomenon." My friend was the reporter in those commercials and he lived on the royalties for a good long time.

said Mike Hayes on August 11, 2006 12:19 AM.

YOu failed to mention the septigenerian ladies for Wendy's " where's the beef " campaign and the talking rodents for Blockbuster Video....

said Tony Spaltro on August 11, 2006 3:18 AM.

I got two words: ZOOM-ZOOM

said minisoldr on August 11, 2006 8:21 AM.

I got two words: ZOOM-ZOOM

said minisoldr on August 11, 2006 8:24 AM.

Dude....the creepiest ever is the skittles commercial with the bearded guy at the job interview....can hardly watch it

said Fleeb on August 11, 2006 10:55 AM.

***Total Nerd Alert***

I bought on of the little "Answer" creatures at an ESPN Zone store for 99 cents. For some reason I thought it was cool. Dog tore it apart in 5 seconds. I need help.

said Algonquin J. Calhoun on August 11, 2006 3:01 PM.

Am I the only one creeped out/annoyed/disgusted by those Charmin Bears wiping their butts in the forest? Watching cartoon bears decide whether to rub tree branches on their rear ends while a sappy, saccharine song is seared into my brain is not entertainment, it's physical torture and should be against the laws of God and man.

said Chris on August 11, 2006 5:00 PM.

Glad someone else mentioned but I have to chime in. That damn Snuggles Bear gave me the creeps when I was young. There was something just...."off" about that thing. Not sure if the 'newer' more animated one is better/worse or even the same. Just bury the damn thing already! Bury it in this list that is.

said Cris on August 11, 2006 8:39 PM.

Anyone remember that asinine "Mama Gino" for the New England "Papa Gino's" commercials?

I always hoped that the Jolly Green Giant would step on and squash that "Little Green Sprout."

Are they really saying "Big Huggin'Chicken?" It sure sounds like something else, which is more apropriate, by the way.

said Hale McKay on August 12, 2006 1:43 AM.

the squirrels attacking people cereal was CLUSTERS...

"The cereal gained popularity for the commercials often dipicting squirrels stealing the cereal by outsmarting the owners. Among the most popular was Robo-Squirrel, in which a cyborg squirrel does serious damage to steal the cereal."

said compn on August 12, 2006 12:09 PM.

Anyone here remember the penguine from the beer commercials? Doo be, doo be doo... I swear that thing gave me nightmares.

said Martial on August 12, 2006 5:21 PM.

just a thought...

although all these commercials creep us out, they are effective, in that we REMEMBER them. the point of advertising is often to make you recall subconsciously (regardless of whether you would patronize the business) the name of the advertised product.

said kuanes on August 12, 2006 6:38 PM.

We have (local I think) commercials for rent-a-center or something that has what's supposed to be an arrow floating around for an icon. Thing is, it looks just like a penis. I can't get past it. The penis does NOT make me want to rent stuff.

And I have thought for a long time, WHY would they put bears wiping their butts on daytime TV? That oughtta be special order or something, for those that like that stuff. Yuck.

("Big Fuc...HUGGIN!! Chicken." *giggle*)

said SidheKat on August 12, 2006 11:53 PM.

Have any of you seen that one hot dog commercial? I forget the brand but they show the pictures of the cow, and half of it is red and half of it is blue. Then the guys says we take our meat from the from half of the cow as opposed to our competedors. That seriously makes me never want to go near a hot dog again.

said perfectperfectionism on August 13, 2006 2:40 AM.

As a kid I was always creeped out by the Purina-Ralston commercials featuring a miniature covered wagon with drawn horses stampeding through the kitchen, chased by a spooked dog. Sublimely scary animation that didn't quite work as intended.

said John on August 13, 2006 3:48 AM.

FYI, it's actually "Big Hucking Chicken", as in BMX or Motocross slang - Huck It (to pull off a trick). That's why it sounds like "big f***ing chicken".

said whoknew on August 13, 2006 4:46 PM.

I'm still haunted by one from a few years ago
that shows a sneering skeleton thing stomping
into a convenience store, drinking the iced tea-
was it Nestle? Lipton?---and refreezing back into
a snowman.

Because that's how I want to think of snowmen: skeletal serial killer types under all that wintery goodness.

thanks for the nightmaes.

said Pear on August 13, 2006 10:41 PM.

If you haven't checked out Mark on the Norton Furniture commercials, please do. When I first moved to Cleveland, I thought they were a joke with that crazy voice and those weird wax figures. But he's totally serious! To add to the creep factor, his spots run in the middle of the night.

said sis trish on August 13, 2006 11:52 PM.

Hahaha.. who do I spy in the closet as well? NONE OTHER THAN JELLIO! Nice try at deflection, but youre BUSTED JELLIO!

said Jellio in DA CLOSET on August 14, 2006 9:39 AM.

Don't agree with the number 1 choice, but only because I grew up in an area of the country that didn't have those ads so my childhood is unblemished by them. Personally, I think the number one spot should go to Tanqueray's idiot spokesman: Tony Sinclair whom I want to punch right in the mouth every time he does that maddening laugh of his.

said Les on August 14, 2006 11:43 AM.

Am I the only one that finds feminine hygiene advertisements disturbing and unnecessary?

said Hamilcar on August 14, 2006 3:20 PM.

Have you ever experienced phantom smells? When that Cookie Puss commercial played I could smell that unmistakable odor of a Carvel store -- kind of a stale ice cream, crumbly cookie stuff, and freezer burn. Ah, the memories. Thanks!

said Timmy on August 14, 2006 9:11 PM.

I dont know if anyone else mentioned this..too many comments to read. But by far. The worst. The new Charmin animated bears. i dont want to see a bear wearing a bow tell jr. bear how much tp to use while he's crapping up against a tree. gross.

said Janet on August 15, 2006 10:40 PM.

I canNOT believe there's full streaming video of that Carvell Cookie-Puss ad! Keep those old Betamax tapes coming in, folks! There's gotta be an old video of Crazy Eddie out there. Along with the FedEx fast-talker. The .jpg's just don't cut it. As for the ads in this list, one movie title made it complete for me: "Escape from New York"! And I did, and I remember every friggin ad from that list. THANKS for including creepy Enzyte guy, Bob. Ought to call him "Dick"!

said someNYguyinVTnow on August 16, 2006 3:10 PM.

The enzyte guy is not only creepy, but annoying. Plus, I hate the friggin' melody (just like I hate the Vonage tune.)

My sister hates the Verizon silent commercials, but I find the girls that appear on them to be rather attractive. My mother finds the Charmin bears stupid, but I find them charming (*rim shot*).

The worst (creepy applies, as well) commercials in my opinion are the PSP ones that appear some squirrels, as if they were Black, and dustballs, as if they were Latinos. Horrible!

said Gary on August 17, 2006 10:06 AM.

Ten Creepiest Icons in "AMERICAN" Advertising History.

Remember people in other countries get this world wide web thing as well.

said Terry Wrist on August 18, 2006 12:13 PM.

Don't you love it when foreigners scold you for not thinking of them?

I do recall that as a child, my friends and I enjoyed Cookiepuss because his name had a syllable from the word "pussy."

said seamus on August 18, 2006 8:17 PM.

Let me finish my thought:

THANKS for including the creepy Enzyte guy, Bob. Ought to call him "Dick"! Because that's what he's selling!
When you sneeze, he doesn't say: "Gesundhiet". He says: "Goes-In-Tight"!
(Say it out loud if you don't get it. And remember what Enzyte is for... )

said someNYguyinVTnow on August 21, 2006 11:44 AM.

The Brawny Guy is gay. No question about it.

What about that "Where's The Beef" lady?

That bitch scares the crap out of me.

said DosJock on August 21, 2006 2:25 PM.

Yuh.... and Ronald McDonald is avuncular and safe to babysit the kids.

said Charles Frith on August 31, 2006 1:41 PM.

This'll haunt your dreams.
1963. Ronald McDonald. Played by Willard Scott.

WHERE do the burgers come from?

Go to YouTube.
Search "Willard Scott""Ronald McDonald"
Be ready to tear your own eyes out.

said Kip W on September 9, 2006 6:10 PM.

The Jack-in-the-Box guy! Im from the midwest, so luckily I only have to see him about once a year when I visit Phoenix, but that guy is creepy!!!!!!

said Angie on December 29, 2006 10:58 AM.

What about the talking mucus from the Mucinex commercials? Phlem shouldn't speak.

said Lori on December 29, 2006 2:33 PM.

i agree that the mucus commercial creature is the most disgusting of them all. And how about at the end when the "victim" - the user of the mucinex - has to cough up the phlegm. Oh please, this is too much detail for most of us.

said jude on December 30, 2006 12:27 AM.

Has anyone been creeped out by those OnStar ads where the woman and/or children are weeping and begging for help on the line to OnStar? Translation: If YOU don't have OnStar, you and YOUR children will soon be begging and weeping!

Also, I totally agree on the Snuggle Bear (seen the recent Robot Chicken?), the talking mucus and the creep under the toenail.

said Dee Longfellow on January 1, 2007 4:39 PM.

One of my annoyances is when Sally Fields talks about her friend who "has to take time out of each day" to take a pill. How long does it take to take a pill?

said MJ Jones on January 3, 2007 11:07 AM.

kudos on all listed....
i used to hate the mcdonalds commercials with the fry guys and grimace, et al. bothersome.
that fedex guy then made the leap to micro machines, lest we forget.
is that freedom rock? well turn it up!
i kinda liked the ignorant joe isuzu ads.
always seemed to look forward to the super bowl ads, even they rarely had to do much with actual product placement. or over placement. hello bud bowl xxxxxvii!

said craig on January 3, 2007 1:51 PM.

The Brawny guy on TV may be fem, but next time you are in the store, look real close at the one on the paper towels. Now imagine the image of an outhouse behind him. Shouldn't that be a line of toilet paper? cus the guy REALLY looks like he just took a he-man crap.

said Phil In York on January 4, 2007 6:09 PM.

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said gqbye lctq on January 31, 2007 1:29 AM.

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said gqbye lctq on January 31, 2007 1:30 AM.

i agree that cookie puss is creepy but Cookie O' Puss is fantastic in his sugary cliche goodness.

said Scott on February 5, 2007 10:18 PM.

actually, the enzyte guy's name is "SMILING Bob". because he's always happy, because his rod is, like, 14 inches long.

actually, true story, enzyte is NOT a penis-enhancing pill. it's a "male enhancement pill" - it's vitamins for guys and has nothing to do with weiners. those commercials are just clever advertising misdirection to get smiling bob's limp dicked neighbors to buy their product because they are preying on their insecurities.

p.s. how do i know how much about enzyte and smiling bob? i don't know either, but i just creeped myself out...

said ill on April 3, 2007 1:39 PM.

Please, give me contact address (email or msn) of this site administrator...
Thanks!

said ExLabordiner on April 12, 2007 2:51 PM.


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said Soydayenade on May 7, 2007 5:42 PM.

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said HoriinogyFughisots on May 22, 2007 10:52 AM.

I used to get so sick of those Enzyte ads. one day I made a contact print of my asshole and mailed it to them.

said erb on June 2, 2007 10:11 AM.


.Good luck!

said Chukchase on June 13, 2007 12:36 PM.

DOES NOBODY REMEMBER THAT CREEPY PIZZA SLICE ON THE PIZZA HUT COMMERCIALS...common it was a talking slice of pizza it doesnt get creepier than that

said Bryan on June 13, 2007 8:09 PM.

text

said GugaRedy on June 15, 2007 8:24 PM.

What about the Lunesta commercials with the giant glow-in-the-dark radioactive luna moth of doom that 'puts you to sleep'? Man-- that thing keeps me up at night. Who knows what that thing does to your helpless body after it puts you to sleep? Does it lay eggs in your ears? Does it masturbate in your navel?

While I'm thinking about it-- what about the 'Honey bunches of Oats' cereal? Honestly-- would you eat cereal if someone handed it to you from a toll booth? Most of the toll booths I'm familiar with would not pass any type of health inspection, not to mention the stranger danger of eating foodstuffs from people you don't know in open containers...

said PhilipM on September 21, 2007 10:16 AM.

I only read some of the comments, but how could you forget "Herb" of Burger King 'fame'? (Hmmm ... another Burger King 'icon'; is there a pattern here?)

said Janet on September 25, 2007 8:47 AM.

The Nissan "Zoom-Zoom" Asian guy has always creeped me out. Why was he there, always with a slilght "knowing" smile?

said Bruce Donaldson on September 25, 2007 10:10 AM.

The Tidy Bowl man used to freak me out. Who wants that job?

said TomG on September 25, 2007 10:40 AM.

I remember (and still cringe at) these Crest commercials from the early 80's. They were these big cartoon characters that looked like black rocks (plaque, maybe?). They attacked a set of teeth with pickaxes and jackhammers while chanting "We make holes in teeth!" over and over. The thought of those creepy things make my teeth hurt even 20 years later!

said saywuh on September 25, 2007 11:24 AM.

How could this list not include the utmost of creepy characters, back from the dead, the reincarnated Orville Redenbacher??? I can't believe he wasn't #1! I freaked out when I saw those commercials....

said just for laughs on September 25, 2007 12:16 PM.

I think the King should have been number one, he scared the heck out of me with that "wake up with the king" spot.

said Philip on September 25, 2007 12:17 PM.

Two words: Spuds McKenzie - a dog as a beer mascot. No wonder it always tasted like piss water.

Also - there was always something creepy about Fred Flintstone schilling cigarettes for Winston back in the 1960's.

said rahdesign on September 25, 2007 12:23 PM.

Hello, nice site :)

said Brin on December 3, 2007 6:24 AM.

said olesja on February 3, 2008 8:50 PM.

said listik-28081 on February 4, 2008 1:18 AM.

said olesja on February 4, 2008 2:12 AM.

How about the bald dancing guy with a black suit and glasses jumping around maniacally on the 6 Flag commercials? Reaally a creepy pedophile like freak.

said Joe Schmoe on February 29, 2008 12:03 PM.

yeah, you're on the money with that enzyte guy. i used to live down the street from where that place's headquarters are, and the feds rolled in and busted them some time ago for fraud (so why do i still see those inane commercials from time to time? at least it's not every sixty seconds, like when they started. still hear that damn whistling in my nightmares.)...
by the way, that character's name is smilin' bob, for those who want a name to hang their hatred on.
one other point some might have not picked up on, though i find it pretty noticable... if bob's a reasonably attractive, if incredibly annoying young man, seemingly successful, and purportedly packing an atomic redwood, then, the question begs to be asked, WHY IS HE BANGING HIS GRANDMA? has anyone seen that one commercial? no shit she's pleased, but could he really be as clueless as he looks? really? what advertising genius thought it would sell the product better to show some average doofus rocking the neighborhood retirement community, rather than taking his enzyte-empowered show to a bevy of sorority girls?

said camilocien on May 25, 2008 9:26 PM.
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