Mel Gibson, you've just been arrested for drunk driving, accused Jews of starting all the wars in the world, and called a police officer sugar tits. What's are you doing next? I'm going to rehab!
So Mel likes his Dewars. So what's the big deal. I've had a few cocktails in my day. Actually, It's 7:00am now and I'm on my third shot. But that anti-semitic stuff...Max, that just doesn't play with the kids anymore. Hell, some people may even see this as an opportunity for ridicule, disparagement, insult, caricature, mockery, lampooning, parody, seventh inning rants or rap videos. And that movie you've got on deck...you know, the one filmed entirely in Mayan? Yeh, this could hurt the box office. You better lay low for a little while. Maybe come back strong with Lethal Weapon Twelve, or whatever number you're on. We'll call you when Ari calms down.
But Mel isn't the first celebrity to make a career threatening move. For every drunken rant in Hollywood, there have been ten other celebity misteps that don't involve a bartab. But they're just as painful...maybe more. So many in fact, that we couldn't keep it to ten this time. We've put together a list of twenty classic instances, where the star may have done things differently if given the chance. So take a look at twenty questionable career moves in entertainment history, because there's nothing more fun than a broke blogger making fun of millionaires for displaying poor judgement...Enjoy!
Well, would you do it for ONE...MILLION...DOLLARS
Colin Quinn gets offered the role of Scott Evil in Austin Powers (a part written especially for him), but turns it down to work on an unfinished screenplay. This one's painful because a) Colin Quinn seems like a cool guy, and b) I think he would've been a riot as Dr. Evil's kid. But instead, Colin is working Artie roasts on Stern and Seth Green has a mansion in Malibu.
Hey, check it out. That guy looks like Hootie.
Darius Rucker, lead singer of Hootie and the Blowfish, stars in a Burger King Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch sandwich commercial. In the spot, Darius is outfitted in cowboy gear, and sings new lyrics to the tune of Big Rock Candy Mountain. Now I know Hootie wasn't actually setting the world on fire before this BK acid flashback spot, but did he really need to take the express train to VH1 clip show celebrity status? The outfit is the best part. Who knows, maybe he got a little dallas cheerleader action on the side.
Beautiful, loaded, and a little crazy? Dude, that is so hot.
Winona Ryder gets arrested for shoplifting thousands of dollars worth of designer clothes at Saks Fifth Avenue in Beverly Hills. The star is sentenced to three years' probation and 480 hours of community service.. Actually, it's not the shoplifting that amazes me (that's a rich girl thing), or the fact that she had an entire pharmacy in her purse. But reading recently that she's a nymphomaniac...there's your jackpot. By the way, while we're on the subject of genius moves, Johnny Depp getting a Winona Forever tattoo wasn't too bright. Isn't that tattoo rule #1, or something.
And tell the masterbating bear to go screw himself, too.
After seven seasons of helping build Late Night with Conan O'Brien into a cult comedy hit, sidekick Andy Richter leaves to pursue an acting career. Hey, that Andy Richter controls the universe show lasted a while, didn't it? Howard Stern had a field day with this one, but I actually admire Andy for leaving the nest. No one wants to play second fiddle forever. And besides, if he hadn't left, we might have missed the funniest scene to ever come out of the Scary Movie franchise.
The Sharon Stone curse strikes again.
Three years after Halle Berry gives an oscar winning performance in Monster's Ball, she wins a Razzy award for worst performance of the year in Catwoman. Yeh, that's a good look. And you can save the mask if you ever do any S&M flicks. Ms. Berry took it in stride though, actually making a surprise appearance to accept ther razzy, and thanking the producers for putting her in a "God-awful movie”. So it's nice to know she's got a sense of humor about herself.
If David Caruso can do it, I sure as hell can.
After five seasons, Shelley Long leaves the cast of Cheers to pursue a career in film. Her first project after leaving the show, Troop Beverly Hills makes 5 million at the box office. Shelley should be the spokesperson for Bad Career Choice Magazine, as her case is always the one mentioned when it comes to poor tv-to-movie decisions. Cheers lasted six more seasons, but Shelley did go on to make The Brady Bunch in the White House, so who's laughing now?
I don't know. I just don't think the political schtick will last.
Craig Kilborn leaves The Daily Show after three seasons to host the CBS Late Late show. Then leaves the CBS show to shift to a career behind the scenes as a writer. Hey look, a two-time winner. I'll bet you forgot Craig Kilborn was the original host of the Daily Show. But if he left the late night gig to be a writer, why has he taken supporting roles in Shaggy Dog and The Benchwarmers. I never liked Kilborn, he definitely hung with the cool crowd in high school. Guys like that bother me. By the way, check out the correspondents in those early years. And what about how young Stewart looks when the torch get passed...pretty funny.
I think I'm gonna pass. I like this talking snowman script.
After appearing in two Batman movies, Michael Keaton decides to pass on the remaining films in the franchise, possibly out of concern about being typecast, or that he'd be upstaged by Jim Carrey. Keaton's whole career has been a mystery to me. He goes from Night Shift and Mr. Mom, to Batman and that freak in Pacific Heights, and now back to nice guy in Jack Frost and Herbie Fully Loaded. He's like Cybil with a receeding hairline. It would've been cool if he stayed with Batman, though. If nothing else, it would've taken a black mark off of Clooney's resume.
I'll show them. They can't buy Juliana Marguilies. I've got Ghost Ship money.
Juliana Marguilies turns down a contract valued at a reported $27 million to return for two more seasons on the hit series ER, choosing instead to seek different and challenging roles. I actually respect the hell out of this decision. I'd never mirror this decision, but I respect the hell out of it. Can you even imagine turning down 27 million dollars? Can you imagine turning down 2,700 dollar? Can you imagine turning down 27 dollars? Do you have an imagination? Next up for the woman with the mad integrity...mother fucking snakes on a mother fucking plane...hot damn.
Retag...Retain...Retake...here it is, retarded. Yup, there's Hugh Grant.
Hugh Grant is arrested near Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood, having been caught receiving oral sex from prostitute, Divine Brown, in the front seat of his car. How does a guy give up this, for this. It's one of the great mysteries of the universe. BUT, and this is a big but, he performed the biggest publicity turnaround in history by going on every show he could think of to apologize. No seclusion for Mr. Grant...someone get me Jay Leno on the phone. And Leno was thankful, since it was the Hugh Grant interview that finally pushed the Tonight Show ahead of Letterman. And Mr. Grant takes his rightful place in the celebrity mugshot hall of fame.
Let'em try to replace me. I'm Alec mother f'in Baldwin!
Alec Baldwin stars as Jack Ryan in Hunt for Red October, then shocks Hollywood by not starring in the sequel because of a dispute with Paramount Pictures over money and script changes. Got no problems with this one, as Alec Baldwin is one of my all-time favorite actors. Screw the studio is they can't see things the Baldwin way. SNL host 183 times, and each one funnier than the last. And have you ever seen his cameo in GlenGary Glen Ross...f'ing awesome. I can't wait for the new NBC show. So, who needs Patriot Games money. He's done The Simpsons, dammit.
Matrix, Schmatrix...The Western script has a big mechanical spider?
Before it was given to Keanu Reeves, Will Smith is offered the lead role in The Matrix and turns it down to star in Wild Wild West. If anyone's got Will Smith's phone number, can I get it from you? He still owes me the ten bucks I paid to see that flick. On second thought, forget it. He did do Ali. But think about how different Matrix would've been if Will Smith was Neo, Sean Connery was Morpheus, and Dakota Fanning was Trinity (made that one up). By the way, that's my photoshop job...can you believe the skills?
And please welcome our sixth band member...splity spice.
Michelle Stephenson is hired as one of the original five Spice Girls, but leaves to pursue other interests, and is replaced by Emma Bunton. Hey look, Pete Best with long hair. You didn't even know who this was, did you. Neither did I...no one does. Ergo, the lovely woman's inclusion on this list. Michelle left just before the girls came out with Wannabe...pretty poor timing on her part. This one's not actually a career changer. More like a potential career stopper. But that's another list. Check back for that one next week.
Actually, I think it was Robin's laugh that drove him away.
Longtime Howard Stern show regular Jackie "The Jokeman" Martling leaves the radio show after failed contract negotiations, and is replaced by comedian Artie Lange. Anyone heard from Jackie since he left the show? I know he did that one appearance before the Sirius move, but anything other than that? No, I didn't think so. I was in upstate NY about a year ago for the holidays, and I happened to go into a Spencer Gifts (see if it had changed any since high school) and there's this Jackie joke-telling toilet paper holding thing. That pretty much sums up the results of this clasic career faux-pas. Howard was recently listed as the second richest celebrity IN THE WORLD. So how much do you think Artie makes? That could've been Jackie's. Yeah, he's not bitter.
Points on this piece of crap? Thanks, but I'll take the cash.
Donald Sutherland takes a small role in Animal House, requiring two days work. Sutherland is offered either a $40,000 flat fee or a percentage of the film's gross...he opts for the flat fee. A decision which cost him over 30 million dollars. In Donald's defense, they did find pods in his basement before filming began, so who knows what was going on. This is a classic Hollywood story. What would you have done? Everyone from Chevy Chase to Bill Murray had passed on the flick, so it didn't have that promising a start. Oh well...spilt milk and all. Hey, you ever seen Kelly's Heroes...great flick.
So many bad decisions. So little time.
Ben Affleck stars in Gigli. That's all on that one.
Cute Kelly Ripa doll collection...what's with the pins?
Perky talk show host Kathie Lee Gifford announces she's leaving Live! With Regis and Kathie Lee after 15 years of engaging morning coffee klatches. Kathie Lee explains that she's worried about co-host Regis Philbin, who has been moonlighting for the runaway success Who Wants to be a Millionaire, saying that he's too tired and the audience deserves better. There are some of these that the stars regret...and then there are some of these that the stars REGRET. I can't even imagine how Frank takes it day after day. If Cody and Cassidy don't start walking some red carpets with mommy, she may have to start pitching a variety show with some of those Malaysian ten year olds. Watch your back, Kelly. Nobody puts baby in a corner.
Poor guy...never had much of a career after that.
Gary Cooper turns down the role of Rhett Butler, saying Gone With The Wind will be the biggest flop in Hollywood history. I included this just because I wanted one old one. And it's actually pretty interesting. But when you consider Pride of the Yankees, Sergeant York, High Noon and about fifty other flicks, I think he made out ok. Separate note...Gary Cooper died at age 60 of lung cancer. There's a poor career move on an entirly different level.
Tell him Indiana wears a Hawaiian shirt or the deal's off.
Tom Selleck is cast as Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark but is forced to decline the role due to scheduling conflicts with Magnum PI. The movie is filmed with Harison Ford, and shooting eventually wraps before Magnum production begins. This may be more of a Magnum's producers thing than a Selleck thing. Either way, I'll bet Tom's kicking himself. Because I don't think High Road to China did quite as well. Let that be a lesson to you, kids. Always check your dates. Come to think of it, he was in Hawaii at the time...maybe it was a time zone thing.
I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by...
Tom Cruise fires his long-time Hollywood publicist, Pat Kingsley after 14 years of working together, and hires his own sister as a replacement. Mr. Cruise then proceeds to go nuts. Here at YesBut, we love Tom Cruise. But really, who doesn't. If he's not jumping on Oprah's couch, he's telling Matt Lauer how glib he is. And I think you'll agree, both are things that needed to be done. Between battles with the South Park Boys and hiding Katie and the kid, where does he find time to make bad action flicks? Then again, I have no idea how a high level thetan really operates, so maybe I'll just shut up before men in black coats start bangin on the front door. Good work Tom...and tell sis she's doing a great job, too!
And that's it for the bad decision list. There were probably dozens I forgot, but twenty's good for a start. Please write in to say which ones I missed...you always do.