From Flashman to Flash Thompson, school bullies have always been a mainstay of teenage coming of age stories, the bully being the obstacle our young hero or heroine must (and usually does) overcome to get the girl/save the day/become a man.
Of course, we all know that's a crock of shit - bullies are cool dudes. To paraphrase DeNiro, better to be Bully for a day than schmuck for a lifetime. Witness the rise of American Idol's Simon Cowell, who's meaner than ever this season. And I suspect the reason Harry Whittington got a face-full of of buckshot is because Dick decided it was about time he realized who was boss.
And this summer, Bully, the new game from Rockstar Games (the makers of GTA) will let you hone your own bullying skills - fight your way to the top and get the girl by BEING the Bully, not beating him. I think they've got a winner on their hands.
All of which gives YesButNoButYes an excuse to rundown the Top Ten Screen Bullies of all time. Click to read more, or you'll receive a sound thrashing.
Biff Tannen from Back to the Future I & II
We start with one of the only bullys on the list to have his own wikepedia entry. When I asked around while writing this piece, Biff was usually the first one that everyone named. Biff did more than any of the rest to cement the (false) notion that a Bully is, at heart, pretty dumb, with memorable lines such as “Why don't you make like a tree and get out of here?”
Stan Gable in Revenge of the Nerds
Ten years after Ted McGinley totally ruined Happy Days as the nerdy good guy, he redeemed himself in the role of Stan Gable in all four Nerds movies. Unrelated fact: McGinley voiced “Tom Turbine” in the greatest Justice League cartoon episode ever, Legends.
Johnny Lawrence from The Karate Kid
Chief bully of the Cobra Kei and The Karate Kid's arch nemesis. If you're wondering “where is he now”, here's an article that follows up on the bully who had it all - good looks, a swift karate chop, and an endless supply of cheap dope.
Neidermeyer from Animal House
His epitaph says it all - “Nobly served in Vietnam before being killed by his own men”. History does not record, however, if he was buried next to his faithful horse.
Buddy Revell from 3 o'clock high
How simple could it have been? Don't touch Buddy. That's all, just don't touch him. He has a thing about being touched. Oops, you touched him. Jackass. Now you're dead meat. Or rather “You are the puss that is bled”.
Melvin Moody from My Bodyguard
About the only film on this list that I haven't seen, my wife nevertheless assures me that this list wouldn't be complete without My Bodyguard's Matt Dillon, in one of his first screen appearances.
Alex de Large in A Clockwork Orange
O my brothers and only droogs, sloosh to the zammerchat raskazz I tell you now, of this molodoy chelloveck called Alex. There was he, having had his yarbles vred by those nadsat malchicks in the If sinny, and then he became the very moodge himself in this choodessny sinny. Can you not kopat he is the dorogoy moodge as you smot him tolchock some old veck in an alley and viddy him swim in his blood.
Principal Rooney in Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Living proof that not all school bullies are pupils. It was a close call on this one - I nearly went with John Bender from The Breakfast Club but in this case, the eyes have it.
Heather Chandler from Heathers
Memorable quote: “Fuck me gently with a chain saw - do I LOOK like Mother Theresa?” On screen her bullying ways came to an end when she died after drinking drain fluid given her by Christian Slater. Offscreen, she died of a brain Tumor in 2001. Not sure which of these events the above picture shows....
Nellie Olsen in Little House on the Prairie
Ah, the prairie bitch herself, Little Nellie Olsen, who, along with a whole bunch of lying, cheating and stealing, memorably faked her own paralysis after falling off her horse to wring mutliple favors from the gullible Laura. I always thought there was something weird going on between her and her brother, if you know what I mean.
So, which ones did I miss? Let us know in the comments, or we'll be forced to take your lunch money.
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Roy Stalin, the girlfriend-stealing ski bully from Better off Dead
Then there's Lucas, with a young Jeremy Piven playing Spike, more of a thug than a bully, who crushes oranges in his biceps.
Scut Farkus from "A Christmas Story"
I nominate Brad Pitt in "Meet Joe Black," as Death decides he wants to understand the human lives he's taking and why they want to live so badly.
He tells a man he's going to die CONSTANTLY throughout the film, then takes him when he's needed the most, he makes a woman fall in love with him then breaks her heart (THE most destructive thing anyone can EVER do on this planet), cons a bunch of people ESPECIALLY the woman's ex-boyfriend, who works for her father. and... well, need I say more?
Sure, it's all cerebral, but we are all thinking apes, so there it is.
What about God in "The Ten Commandments?" This imaginary creature kills millions of animals, thousands of people, and gives Charlton Heston a flowing mane of WHITE HAIR, all so that we wil "love" this being???
I mean, Charlton Heston with white hair!
What about Bluto from Popeye. If it wasn't for spinach, Olive Oil would be with a completely different man.
What about Bluto from Popeye. If it wasn't for spinach, Olive Oil would be with a completely different man.
Buddy Repperton was a pretty tough bully in Christine. It took a demon possessed car to take him out.
How about the O'doyle family from Billy Madison.
How bout the mean girls from mean girls?
Come on, give a little effort. Stan Gable was not in Revenge of the Nerds II. The bully in that movie was Roger (Bradley Whitford - the immortal Eric from Billy Madison). Stan came back for the next two, though.
Chet Donnelly (Bill Paxton) in Weird Science (1985)