10) To Clickety-Clack...

We start with one of the founding fathers...I believe it was Clickety-Clack who on one slow agency day, walked into Scaramouch's office and said something to the effect of...Hey, we're spending a ton of client time sending dumb e-mails to each other anyway, why not post them all to a blog to really exploit the situation (Genius!) And YesButNo was born.

Months later, it was with heavy hearts on that grey September morn that we all posted our usual trivial crap after learning that Clickety had been abducted by space aliens looking for intelligent life forms to probe, but settling for bloggers instead. Mr. Clack hasn't been heard from since. And so, we blast a Coleman Model 814 Pocket Compass into space, in hopes of it reaching our friend who could use it to find his way back to the blog. And maybe one day, I can once again go to the site on a random Sunday afternoon, see that Clickety Clack has posted an article, and say to myself so that's what a blumpkin is...I did not know that.

9) To Big Picture Big Sound...

If nothing else, you really do get a WIDE range of information here at YesButNo...politics, technology, sports, television...and even our own movie reviewer. Big Picture Big Sound has become a staple at the blog for those facing that weekly dilemma...you have a family of four that craves entertainment, but there are so many new movies to choose from...which one warrants blowing one-tenth of my paycheck to see?

For Big Picture, a gift we thought long and hard about...a year's subscription to USA Today. Because as you've given us the scoop on countless new flicks, telling us which warranted three stars, and which only got two, you may be surprised to know that there was actually alot of other shit happening in the world. Do you remember a slight gurgle you may have heard somewhere between The Brother's Grimm and the 40 Year Old Virgin...that was New Orleans washing away. That loud gasp after The Corpse Bride...that was Bush nominating a secretary to be the next chief justice. Lot's going on out there, feel free to comment on any little bit of it.

(PS: You know I'm just kidding, right?. Remember, I write a weekly NYC Weekend Guide on a blog that gets hardly any New York traffic, so who's the asshole...keep the reviews coming!)

8) To Big Fat Creative...

Dude, to this day, I don't think we've ever met, but your posts are awesome, and you're still responsible for my favorite comments banter of all time...the argument we had after my 9/11 families post. For those who don't remember, it went something like...

BFC: Dear Heartless Asshole, etc, etc, etc,
Jellio: blah, blah, blah...douchebag, blah.
BFC: He's snappy on Tuesdays, isn't he.
Scaramouch: something, something, mid-life crisis, something.
Jellio: words, words, shut the fuck up, words, words, scaramouche

The only thing that got close to that was when those 60 or so people called me a total faggot for writing the top ten tearjerkers article. Still liked this one better. Anyway, all in the name of spirited debate. Thanks for all the fun...here's an Everlast Slam Man Punching Buddy for ya...a little tension release between posts. Happy Holidays!

PS: I did learn one thing as a result of that post...since then, I've never spelled Scaramooch with an "e"...I know how he hates that.

7) To MGallay...

Anyone remember the conservative pundits matching game I posted. Of course you don't...no one does...dumb idea. But even the dumb ones require a whole bunch of time to design and program, and our buddy MGallay was happy to oblige, without even the hint of a complaint. (all the while probably knowing how bad an idea it was, but going along because I seemed psyched about it). Thank you again, sir.

Anyway, Mike's posts have been few and far between, but it's all in the name of higher education. He went back to school a while back, because believe it or not, we don't think YesBut is gonna make us all enough to live off of (unless we go strictly to porn, which is under discussion), but we're looking forward to seeing him at the lunch. Dude, you said you might not make it because of school, so I thought this would help...a gold level membership at Speedy Research Term Papers. They claim to have gotten George W. through Yale, so I thought they'd be the best. (Wait...you're taking like, animation or something, aren't ya. My bad. Come to the lunch , anyway)

PS: A simple tip for posting that requires hardly any time at all. Find a funny picture (like ostriches humping, or something) and write the words "caption competition" in the title. It's gotten me an extra, like 400 posts, or something.

6) To TurkeyBurger...

This year, we've designed a special gift for TB...the first ever YesButNo Courage in the Face of Stupidity Award, given to the contributor most likely to post opinions directly to the polar opposite of the majority of the staff.

Those who read YesBut with any regularity may recognize TurkeyBurger as often being the only conservative voice of the staff. Over the past few months, I've come to realize that while I've tried to remain fair and balanced, my opinions may have skewed ever so slightly to the liberal side, but when you add Evil, Aquaman, BigFat, the comments, and (God help us all) Johnny C. we tend to lean just left of Karl Marx. TurkeyBurger keeps us in balance, and time and time again, makes us realize that even though our positions may differ, we can all come together to discuss the important issues as civilized, intelligent bloggers. And in the end, agree on the most important point...Ann Coulter is the devil.

5) To Evil Rich...

This one seemed pretty obvious to me, right from the start. it goes something like this...

This is Evil Rich reporting for YesButNoButYes from ComicCon '06...

I thought that had a nice ring to it. Your Lost theories are always intriguing, you never shy away from the political debate, but the return of Wednesday is New Comics Day took way too long. It definitley proves your the man to represent us on the West Coast, so an all-expenses paid trip to San Diego seems to be in order. Here's the catch. You have to bring the 30 faces a month thing back. No slacking here at YesBut. You start something good, you have to keep it going.

4) To DNAgal & Girl Arkansas...

Outside of my tearjerker thing, the only other estrogen on the site came courtesy of YesBut's two female staffers, DNAgal and new recruit Girl Arkansas.

DNAgal, the Ugly Animal Kingdom was a really fun addition to the site, and you've had some great entertainment and arts-related posts. But mostly, we're all eagerly awaiting the custom real doll you mentioned recently, (although your physical presence at any YesBut events would be just as welcome, if not moreso) And Ms. Arkansas, only here a month, but already making quite the impression. Hope you decide to stay.

For both of you, I'm going to rely on the go-to gift for every guy who didn't think ahead and needs something for a woman at the last minute, the festive yuletide holiday sweets gift basket from bath & Body Works...hope you like it.

(Disclaimer: For those ladies opening a gift this morning that contains anything from the above-mentioned company, please pay no attention to the preceeding remarks. They were purchased weeks ago, and the gift-giver loves you very much)

3) To Aquaman...

Aquaman...the resident author of the site. The Scenes of Suburban Life are awesome, I still think you should copyright the term Retrobituary, I always look forward to the next installment of Commuting Suicide and after seeing all those puppy photos...well, they say Agelina Jolie's two Cambodian kids hit the adoption lottery, but it looks like Bailey comes in a close second.

Instead of the normal writer gifts (montblanc pen, stationary, I don't know, a cameraphone to capture some of those scenes on the bus) and after reading your fantasy league picks, I thought a membership to Dionne Warwick' psychic hotline made a little more sense. Dogs, big suburan homes, and block party supplies can be expensive, and it may take a while before you're the next John Grisham. So a little help with the picks couldn't hurt.

2) To Johnny Chicago...

You know how you feel when you go to the mailbox, and you see it's overflowing with all kinds of letters, notes and packages. You're excited to see what's inside, but then you think what if there's something in there that's gonna be trouble. That's sorta what I go through when I see a JC comment. And sir, you consistently don't disapoint. You're like the crazy uncle of the site.

Well Johnny, normally I'd prescribe, um, give you something to relieve stress. A person who seems to be under alot of pressure, whether at work, at home, or just general man-bringing-me-downness, could use a Spa gift certificate, or one of those Brookstone massage chairs. But recently (pretty much since your return from the Howard rally) you've seemed calmer. Then you wrote the comment about getting laid(by the way...no more of that. The image lasted hours)and the answer was clear. So, for Johnny Chicago, four weekend stays at any Howard Johnson's Motor Lodge in the continental U.S. And never lose that friend's number...she's gold.

1) To Scaramouch...

And so we come to #1...I thought for quite a while about this one, because the gift for the guy that started the site, designed the site, programs, updates and PAYS FOR the site, should be something really good, and I didn't want to disapoint.

My first thought was to pass along Xeni Jardin's personal cell number. As it seems we get quite the lift in traffic when BoingBoing links to us, (makes you happy, right?) and having a direct line to the head priestess over there could make the links more frequent. But then, if Cin doesn't read this post, and she finds the number in his jacket pocket...well, let's just say, bad idea.

My next thought was to pass along a gift certificate to a site I just read about. One that's recently been the talk of the Internet...Jellio.com is about combining childhood fun with interior design. It's placing a few memories in your home, in a unique and stylish manner. We're open seven days a week, 9 til 6. So make Jellio the one stop for all your combination toy/furniture needs. (You thought I was above it?)

But where we ended up was to just say thanks very much, for putting this whole thing together in the first place. It's made the year a lot more fun, and brought alot of laughs to alot of people. (awwwwwwwwwwwwww) Oh...we also got you a one-time consultation at eventplanning.com, because watching you try to put a lunch together is kinda like going to the rocket science obstacle course at the Special Olympics, like watching blind porcupines fuck, like hiring FEMA to stage the next million man march...clear enough for ya? NOW WORK ON IT!

One more thing. Christmas greetings go out to our friends at DoubleViking, GorillaMask, AllDumb, Kontraband, SmitHappens and CollegeHumor for sending us literally hundreds of thousands of hits and keeping the popularity of the site on the rise. I believe in response, we've sent dozens of visitors back the other way. But like we always say, it's quality, not...

Finally, for your enjoyment...The Clot Family Christmas Display...Happy Clotxmas, everyone!

-Jellio

Previous 12 Lists of Christmas Entries
#1 - Top Ten Christmas Villains
#2 - My Ten Favorite Christmas Flicks
#3 - The Totally Tasteless Top Ten
#4 - Top Ten Rankin Bass Narrators
#5 - Ten Classics from my Mom's Record Collection
#6 - Ten Exercises in Tasteful Understatement
#7 - Ten Alternative Christmas Wraps
#8 - Top Ten Tastes of Christmas
#9 - Top Ten SNL Christmas Sketches
#10: Top Ten Gifts You Shouldn't Buy Me
#11: Ten Gifts For The Lost Folks