ornate line
The 12 Lists of Christmas


If you haven't already noticed, top ten lists are big with me (and about a dozen cable channels). Nothing like putting together a meaningless list of ten things, and ranking them in some arbitrary order to give myself a false sense of empowerment...I'm all about it. And as I get all festive during the holidays, I thought I'd put out a few of them...like twelve, maybe. Lot's of subjects to choose from...TV, movies, food, gifts, songs. Tons to choose from. And so, for this Monday morning, I give you the first list of Christmas...

Top Ten Christmas TV Villains

10) Albert Mouse
Hey, it's Bill Gates with mouse ears. Albert is the weasel (mouse) in 'Twas The Night Before Christmas who writes Santa to tell him he doesn't believe in him. Not really a villain...more of a holiday geek, but any rat that almost cancels Christmas deserves to be on the villains list. Like some of the other characters on the list, he does lighten up in the end...The holidays have magically redeeming powers.

9) Poverty
Ever see Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas? Based on The Gift of the Magi, it's about Emmet and his mom. They're otters, and they're broke. and they both take something from each other to pay the entry fee to enter a talent contest to win the cash to buy each other a gift...got that? Kind of an "end justifies the means" holiday message. The bummer is that neither otter wins the contest, but they learn a valuable lesson in the end...poverty sucks.

8) Ebeneezer MaGoo
Same old story, just a little squintier. Magoo's a big ole scrooge who hates Christmas, and it takes a bunch of ghosts to change his mind...classic holiday tale.

MagooPastWeb.jpg MagooPresentWeb.jpg MagooFutureWeb.jpg
ClayAikenWeb.jpg GarciaWeb.jpg ZellWeb.jpg
(SIDE NOTE: If I had to cast the three ghosts for a live action Magoo's Christmas Carol, I'd pick American Idol's Clay Aiken, a cryogenicallly preserved Jerry Garcia, and Georgia Senator Zell Miller)

7) Santa Claus
What? Santa is the villain? Well yes, when the South Park guys are telling the story. As you probably know, The Spirit of Christmas was an Internet Christmas card that some television exec paid the guys to create, and it led to television gold. In the story, Jesus comes to earth to find Santa because he caused the holidays to become too commercial. Too commercial? Why, that's blasphemy.

6) Professor Hinkle
Think of a slightly more effeminate Paul Lynde, with card tricks, and you've got Professor Hinkle. The villain in Frosty the Snowman, Hinkle wants that damn magic hat, and no suddenly human snowman is gonna stop him. He did have a cute little rabbit sidekick, though.

5) BurgerMeister MeisterBurger
What! He made toys illegal. That's un-American...Cute shorts, though. In Santa Claus is Comin' To Town, BurgerMeister MeisterBurger was like, a mayor or something, of some depressing Eastern European village, who found a baby at his front door that turned out to be Kris Kringle. Bad front door selection by mother Kringle, but things turned out ok in the end.

(SIDE NOTE: This is the show that also features the Winter Warlock, but as you can see from the holiday action figure, he eventually lightens up and joins the Santa team)

4) Commercialism
It swept through the Peanuts gang faster than Christmas Goose flu, it made Snoopy go a little nuts with the decorations, Lucy was hugging nickels at the shrink booth, and Sally went all Paris Hilton...it's commercialism, and it needed to be stopped. Enter Linus, with the true meaning of Christmas. A Charlie Brown Christmas is awesome.

3) The Grinch
You're a mean one, Mister Grinch. So mean, they needed Frankenstein to do the voice. Another example of the villain going soft in the end. Little Suzie Who...she'll do it to ya every time. (the doggie was another one of those cute sidekicks)

2) Heat Miser and Snow Miser
The Plant and Page of Christmas specials, courtesy of The Year Without a Santa Claus. These guys rock, and they come with theme songs. But no matter how much power they had, they always had Mother Nature to answer to. Let that be a lesson to you all...mama knows best.

1) The Abominable Snow Monster (aka: The Bumble)
Christmas Villain Numero Uno...The Bumble. Made Yukon Cornelius nearly crap his long johns at first, but he tamed the monster in the end (with the help of Hermie and a pair of pliers) and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was there to guide Santa's sleigh in the end. TA DA!


(FINAL SIDE NOTE: Found a great behind-the-scenes Rudolph site on BoingBoing. Great trivia, like what was wrong with the doll on the island, and what was with Yukon licking his pick all the time.)

Eleven more lists to come. But now, click here for more YesButNo fun!

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I'm going to buck the usual trend of using the comments section on these lists to point out all the ones you missed and tell you how stupid you are for leaving them out. Instead I'm going to say that this was a really fun read, really well done. Looking forward to the next 11.

said Evil Richard on December 5, 2005 9:11 AM.

There's some holiday spirit for ya. Thanks Rich.

said Jellio on December 5, 2005 9:23 AM.

Does anyone else think the Bumble Snow Monster looks like the snow creature from "Empire Strikes Back"?

said Dave Sword on December 5, 2005 9:55 AM.

Burgermeister Meisterburger:

Yes, he was a mayor. Burgermeister is German for mayor, so that's his title.

And Eastern European? Not quite. Just Germany. That's why he's wearing Lederhosen and every other bad guy in the movie is wearing a WWI German helmet.

said Chris on December 5, 2005 1:37 PM.

Ps - Cool list, I've watched most of these this year ALREADY! However, it's Cindy Loo Who, not Suzie... just incase you care.

said StewMiller on December 5, 2005 2:23 PM.

I take all edits thankfully, as my fact checker quit after an ugly sexual harassment suit...a 64 yr old grandmother who wouldn't stop undressing me with her cataracksed eyes.

said Jellio on December 5, 2005 2:54 PM.

An excellent list! Kudos on your selections!

One note; I believe that Yukon Corneilus was actually the "bumble". "Bumbles bounce!"

said dccprez on December 5, 2005 4:34 PM.

When I was growing up, the nuns in catholic school had me so terrified of God, that I pictured him as the Winter Warlock in my brain.

Ahhh...the joys of catholic school. NOT!!!!!

said Ailie on December 30, 2006 9:19 PM.
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