Sorry to be a downer, but today we look at a list of Top Ten Last Words. I started thinking on this when a relative died recently and no one who was present would repeat his last words. So I started asking around. Truth is, most people’s last words are boring as hell. Or there are none—the dying person has been terribly sick and, often, unconscious, so that there are no words. Just a last heave of breath.
These may not be the Top Ten Best Last Words of all time, but they’re the best ones I’ve tracked down. Additionally, I had to cut a lot of great Last Words in order to get it down to ten. If you have additional suggestions, post them in the comments.
And start thinking now about what you’re going to say when the time comes.
What makes great Last Words? A certain charm, frankly. A hint of surprise. A sense of humor, even. I’m going to start working on mine today.
10. "All right, then, I'll say it: Dante makes me sick." — Lope Félix de Vega Carpio (1562—1635), Spanish dramatist and poet. On being informed he was about to die.
Curious about this one is that Dante died in 1321. Three hundred years later Carpio is getting it off his chest that he doesn't have a taste for Dante? Do you think Dante haunted him all his life? Apparently he was the most successful Spanish dramatist of his time. You can check him out here.
9. "Can you believe this crap?" — Jon Erik Hexum (1957-1984), actor, shot himself with a blanks loaded gun.
Hexum was killed when he held the gun, loaded with blanks, to his temple and fired--as a joke of sorts. Apparently blanks can be quite dangerous. He was an actor best known for the TV series "Cover Up." And now best known for killing himself with a gun loaded with blanks. Check him out here. Don't play with guns!
8. "Either that wallpaper goes, or I do." — Oscar Wilde (1854—1900), Irish-born British dramatist. As he lay dying in a drab Paris bedroom.
It's just so freaking gay and silly that I have trouble believing it. I was able to confirm this from more than one source, but I suspect it's a myth. Better than dying in hospice care. If that happens to me, I'll say, "Either I go, or I go." A drab Paris bedroom? I'll take it. Check out Oscar Wilde here.
7. "I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis." — Humphrey Bogart (1899—1957).
Another that perfectly suits the speaker and that is almost too perfect. Again, I found several sources, but I'm still unsure. More on Bogart can be found here.
6. “I think you're right, Wyatt. I can't see a Goddamn thing." — Morgan Earp (accepting his brother's belief that there is no life after Death).
I just like to imagine this conversation. Wyatt's dying and Morgan is standing there telling him there's nothing waiting for him. Just a little death-bed chit-chat. Check out Morgan Earp here.
5. "God bless... God damn." — James Thurber (1894—1961), US humorist.
Brevity and simplicity and, while it doesn't make much sense at first, of course it makes perfect sense. More on James Thurber here.
4. "I do not have to forgive my enemies, I have had them all shot." — Ramón Maria Narváez (1800-68), Spanish general and political leader. Said on his deathbed, when asked by a priest if he forgave his enemies.
Such fine arrogance. Rarely seen these days. You have to appreciate the ego, especially because it is death-bed ego. No remorse. Everyone is sorry and so sensitive and remorseful now. There's power in an ego like this. Probably a hint of psychosis as well, but powerful all the same. More on Narvaez here.
3. "Has God forgotten everything I've done for him?" — Louis XIV (1638—1715), French king.
Again with the perfectly ripe arrogance. No surprise considering the source, I suppose, but hilarious still. More on Louis XIV.
2. "And now, in keeping with Channel 40's policy of always bringing you the latest in blood and guts, in living color, you're about to see another first — an attempted suicide." — Chris Hubbock, newscaster who shot herself during broadcast.
Chris Hubbock was obviously a woman ahead of her time. Make news if you have to! Seriously, this is awful and I was stunned to come upon it. What fascinates me even more than the media/blood/guts angle is that she did it on television. Truly trying to make a point about the media or a bit of an exhibitionist? I doubt she'll be forgotten. There's not a lot of information on Hubbard that is easy to access. you might try this MSN group if you're interested.
1. "I feel nothing, apart from a certain difficulty in continuing to exist." — Bernard de Fontenelle (1657—1757), French philosopher. Remark on his deathbed.
What else is there to say? It bothers me that I think I'm a little familiar with the feeling, but, really, what is death but a difficulty in continuing to exist? Brilliant.
More on Fontenelle here.
Well, that's it. I tried to avoid those we all know (Et Tu?) and to mix it up a bit. Most people who die aren't famous or brilliant. Just plain old people. Again, if you want to add to the list, head to the comments
xoxo
YGA
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This was great. Really interesting subject, and now I've got ten lines to choose from when I go to the blog in the sky.
Great post, Girl! I remember when #9 happened. That was a pretty big deal. Everyone thought that guy was going to be a big star I think.
My Uncle Jim had the best I've seen. He laid there looking straight in his sister-in-law's eyes (my aunt), whom he abhorred, and said, "Fuck you." Then, without blinking an eye, he looked up at me, my dad, my brothers and my other uncle and smiled. Through that grin he just kinda mouthed out: "I love you guys."
Goethe said, "More light!"
He should have said, " I wonder if anyone in the future will actually read Goethe."
Thanks, Richard. Yeah, I think that guy had a lot of fans. He still has a ton of fan sites.
Spencer, Uncle Jim sounds a little harsh to me, but you never can tell what goes on in a marriage, can you?
I have a great uncle who announced at Thanksgiving dinner that he was going "to lie down and die now." And he did. Just went to his room, everyone thought he was napping, but he really did die.
APB! Good to see you. xoxo
GirlA
I love it. Fantastic list.
Hi David! Send your friends and watch your mailbox!
xo
YGA
Feel free to check this out
I think it was the singer from Chicago who said, "Don't worry, its not loaded, see?" Just befroe shooting his brains out backstage...
I believe the following merits a mention:
"What? Men dodging this way for single bullets? What will you do when they open fire along the whole line? I am ashamed of you. They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance"
Gen. John Sedgwick, Union Army.....just before he got shot in the head by a sharpshooter about 1,000 yards away.
I have always been a fan of the popular refrains heard in pickup trucks all over the South and Midwest...
1. Hold my beer.
2. Watch this!
Voltaire supposedly replied when asked by the priest delivering last rites if he renounces Satan, "I don't think now is the time to make new enemies."
W. C. Fields supposedly said on his deathbed that he wanted to give all his money to his tailor. Then he died and he woke up again a few minutes later and said, "On second thought, f*** the tailor."
Since my Dad died when they were trying to remove the respirator, his last words were as was being lead into surgery which prolonged his life but did not save it. He said, "Don't worry. They can't hurt me; I'm Batman."
Have you done a move/TV version of famous last words?
There is an interesting quote from a leader of the Greek revolution (1821) while receiving a fatal shot. I will write it in Greeklish ("ke tora klaste mou ton poutson") which translates to something like "And now you can s... my d...".
Gandhi said " Hey Ram"
None are as good as Spike Milligan's "I told them I was ill"
Nothing beats American revolutionary spy Nathan Hale, who said, from the gallows, "I regret that I have but one life to lose for my country."
My favourite:
"Don't worry, it's not loaded. See?"
-Terry Kath, lead singer of Chicago, stupidly playing with a gun
One correction, the newscaster who shot herself after promising the audience an "attempted suicide" was named Chris Chubbuck (birth name Christine), not Hubbock. Her story is actually a very sad one, if you read the Washington Post article about her that was written shortly after her death.
You missed what should probably be #1 on the list: "They Couldn't Hit an Elephant at this Distance" - Major General John Sedgwick.