This past weekend, Scaramouch offered our readers the opportunity to donate to the site. And in return, they could have their notes to us read aloud at the YesBut holiday lunch, and posted on the site.
I'm raising the stakes. I recently purchased one of those holiday packs of Jones Soda, with the disgusting holiday flavors. Don't know why really. It was marked down at the checkout line at Target, and those flashing holiday lights confuse me. Anyway, I'll bring these to the lunch, and drink them warm (on video) after eating a full meal, in exchange for reaching the following contribution levels...
$10.00 - Cranberry
$20.00 - Pumpkin Pie
$30.00 - Wild Herb Stuffing
$40.00 - Turkey & Gravy
$50.00 - Brussel Sprout
$100.00 - All five, and we'll be able to bus Evil Rich up for the festivities.
Give 'til it hurts.
PS: The wine list, spork and moist towelette are examples of the Jones Soda sense of humor. I may need the towelette immediately following the challenge.
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I already tried the regional pack (see my shameless linking above), which included Salmon Pate flavored soda. If you expect anyone to pay to see this, I hope you're promising to drink the entire bottle. That would be real torture.
I want to shoot down Santa just as he enters US airspace with a Russian-made shoulder-assisted LAW rocket with heat-seeking abilities and a tip loaded to the hilt with American-made phosphorus.
I want to see the fat bastard struggling with all of his Kringle-like futility to keep the sled going as he goes down in flames, and I hear the agonizing cries of reindeer frying and twisting in the wind as they plummet to their icy death over the Atlantic.
I want to be the first to call 911 and scream wildly into the phone "The fat man's dead!"
I want to be the guy you see on the TV as they ask me what happened and I want to say in my best ghetto voice "I seent it, I seent it ALL, yo!"
I want to sell gruesome burnt crispy still-soaked souveneirs on Ebay.
I want to see children cry and convince grandmothers to weep.
What does this all have to do with your luncheon? Not a goddamn thing.
But you know what? It might... a little.
Have a HAPPY holiday.