As we flew back from San Francisco, an elderly woman pointed her bony finger at me and asked, “Is that an iPod?”

“It sure is!” I exclaimed, eager to evangelize digital music to the senior set.

Immediately, I pictured her bragging to her fellow retirement home inmates: “He actually HAD an iPod! Yes, with him! Right next to me!” In her version of the story, I’d probably be a little older, without glasses. Taller, maybe.

From Nevada to Kansas to Missouri, I went on and on and on. Napster, LimeWire, iTunes. Explained the Playlist. Shined the backlight. Let her listen.

Halfway across the country, she couldn't take it anymore. “I’m sorry, dear. I only asked because I’d never seen one so bulky. When did you get that? 2001?”

I thought she’d been mesmerized. Turns out, she was being polite.

What a burn.

Since I was too embarrassed to say anything beyond an uncomfortable mumble, she spoke at length about her iPod Mini. When she used the phrase "hacked the firmware," I felt smaller than an iPod Shuffle. (By the way, I had to look that up when I got back. Here's the scoop, in case you find yourself in a similar situation.)

What’s the point? Respect your elders. Or buy better gadgets.

Just hopping on board? Here's a free ticket to the Commuting Suicide archives.