BEARS (-3) over Vikings
Please tell me someone's writing a book about this Vikings season: They trade Randy Moss to improve their team chemistry, then their head coach gets into a ticket-scalping scandal, their backup RB tries to smuggle the Whizzinator through a metal detector, and then half the team is accused of improper conduct during a boat orgy that sounds like it was either the greatest or most horrifying bachelor party of all time (maybe both). My favorite excerpt from the news coverage in Thursday's Minnesota Star-Tribune:

"After the boats returned to dock and guests departed, the crew had to clean the boat, [charter company lawyer Stephen Doyle] said, finding 'used condoms, K-Y Jelly, Handi Wipes, wrappers for sex toys -- it was just incredible how it was left. Never in the history of this group of people have they ever had anything like this.'"

Wait, so you're telling me this was the most over-the-top bachelor party in the history of chartered Minnesota cruises? I find this hard to believe -- you're telling me that 20 ice fisherman with Swedish names didn't cross the line at some point? More importantly, what does Mike Tice have to do to get fired? Come out for the second half of Sunday's game with no pants on? Drink Wild Turkey on the sidelines? In fact, I'm no longer accepting odds on the "Which Mike will get fired first?" ongoing wager ... Tice isn't making it through Tuesday. I'm pulling him off the board.