Commuting Suicide
Killing myself slowly, day after day

Volume IV: "Banter"

If I were a bus driver, there would be stiff competition for the top spot in my "Stuff That Sucks About My Job" rankings.

The goofy uniforms would be up there. The miserable commuters, obviously. The fact that the worst part of everyone else's day is the only part of yours -- that's definitely Top 5.

But nothing -- not even having to explain to your black passengers why the bus drives past your cities to drop off the white folks before looping back -- can top the awkward banter with your customers. The only words people exchange with you are "Thanks," "Thank You," and, if someone's frisky and mixes it up, "Have a good day." Only two ways to return the conversational serve: "You too," or "You're welcome." Two-hundred times a day. That would kill me.

I give the obligatory "Thanks" each and every time I exit. Just being polite. But maybe it would be more courteous to avert my eyes. Do I have my head so far up my ass to believe this guy's day hinges on my shallow verbal expression of gratitude?

Next week, the silent treatment.

Just hopping on board? Check out Volumes I, II, and III

Fascinating article by Malcolm Gladwell over on The New Yorker site. He explores the history of admissions at Harvard, Princeton and Yale, and how the schools are essentially "in the luxury-brand-management business."

Put it this way -- if you were gay or Jewish in the 1920s (or looked or acted gay or Jewish), I hope you had a safety school.

In the nineteentwenties, when Harvard tried to figure out how many Jews they had on campus, the admissions office scoured student records and assigned each suspected Jew the designation j1 (for someone who was “conclusively Jewish”), j2 (where the “preponderance of evidence” pointed to Jewishness), or j3 (where Jewishness was a “possibility”).

One [Harvard] application -- and at this point you can almost hear it going to the bottom of the pile —- was notated, “Short with big ears.”

Not sure how long this will remain online and free. Apologies if that time period runs out.

I've been meaning to comment on this Minnesota Vikings orgy/cruise all week. I'll let ESPN's Bill Simmons do the heavy lifting on this one (after the jump):

you want to click this

give it a minute to download. :)

Usually I try to steer as far away from references to ipods and ipod paraphenalia as possible, but this one, courtesy of AOL Live Web, was irresistable.
If you really love your portable music device, you'll buy it a Halloween costume.

thepartyparty.com has some really entertaining mixes of real political speeches with danceable beats. Hear George Bush sing covers of such classics as "Sunday Bloody Sunday", "White Lines" and "Imagine".

Join thepartyparty.

What better way to count down the days til the next election than with 12 beautiful shots of the country's newest naked singing sensation.

As promised, a gift to all our loyal readers (even you Johnny), we've created the Naked Cowgirl Calendar, suitable for downloading and using as wallpaper. Twelve full-color images of her highness, taken by our own Scaramouch.

Enjoy the calendar, and check out the joint interview with the Naked Cowgirl and Naked Cowboy here.

- Creativity Now, is a two day conference on...well...creativity, with artists in every medium sharing their views.
- Oh man, not another true-life story of a model-turned-bounty hunter...Domino opens this weekend.
- Take Two is an excellent primer on contemporary art, with over 50 works from the museum's permanent collection.
- Come see the reason George Bush is in office. The Great American Trailer Park Musical is on Broadway.
- And it's opening weekend for Odd Couple. Tickets are sold out until 2008, but the brokers have plenty to spare.

Yesterday we found out more things about the cowboy than any of us really needs to know. And today (despite what Johnny Chicago thinks) we bring you the conclusion of our almost fascinating interview with the naked ones.

Thoughts on the new Times Square, using their bodies to sell products, even a candid discussion on male pattern baldness. (Oh, and porn) It's all here, after the jump.

And if you missed Part One yesterday, you can either click here, or scroll down a bit. (it was a slow day)