An excellent onion-type gag that was online prior to yesterday's news, in what seems to have been the most prescient spoof since the prediction of the five-blade razor.

Mine's already on order (video iPod, that is) and luckily someone has already given me the instructions I'd need to make the above more than a wet dream - assuming I ever watched porn, which naturally I don't.

Aquaman's earlier post made me do something I have never done before - visit the Modell web site. Once there, I noticed they proudly proclaim to be “hacker safe”. Until I saw this, it never occurred to me that someone might try to hack Modells but it was somehow reassuring nevertheless. Until I read the small print:

“Hacker Safe does not mean Hacker Proof”

So I'm guessing that I misread the button, and that what Modells are actually trying to do is provide a safe environment for hackers to buy lime green T-Shirts.

What could be worse for A-Rod's career than his play versus the Angels? Winning the MVP.

Alex followed up a magnificent regular season (.321, 48 HR, 130 RBI) with a disappearing act during the ALDS (2-for-15, no RBI). He's earned goat status. The story is unlikely to go away, but it won't do more than linger this offseason.

Unless A-Rod wins the MVP.

I can't think of another time in sports history where a player's career wouldn't benefit by winning a prestigious award. But in this case, the story wouldn't be "A-Rod Wins MVP!" Instead, "A-Rod Still Goat, Remember?" The sports talk shows would skewer him. "He's not even the Most Valuable Player on his own team. In his own infield!"

There's the YesButNoButYes Sports Minute. It's a slow day.

So there are these two people who hang out in Times Square. They're both very outgoing. Both seem to like country western tunes. Oh, and neither one wears pants.

You've all heard of the Naked Cowboy, right? He's been freakin' people out in Times Square for a while now. But when we saw there was a new naked kid on the block, we were curious to know how the original was taking it. Do they talk? Is a naked duo in the works? Or maybe a copyright infringement suit? We needed to know.

So, after the jump, we give you part one of Naked Cow People - The YesBut Interview. A conversation with a very sweet girl, and a very strange dude.

Oh...and if reading the naked goodness isn't enough, you can hear the audio here. Enjoy.

Commuting Suicide
Killing myself slowly, day after day

Volume III: "Walk a Mile Without Shoes"

I was absolutely soaked on my seventeen-minute walk across town yesterday morning. My Totes umbrella was no match for the torrential rain and gale force* winds. On the elevator up, I could smell the pneumonia.

Miserable and whiny, I made two decisions. First, I couldn't make it through the day in water-logged pants. Second, parading around in my boxer briefs wouldn't suffice.

So, I hit up Modell's and bought me a cozy pair of black sweatpants, some Air Jordan socks, and their second-least expensive t-shirt (a gray Yankees "Jeter #2"). The least expensive shirt would have dissolved off my back had any droplets of water later fallen from my hair.

The new outfit, sans shoes, completely changed the office experience. People were nicer to me -- I was randomly given a new hat and two bottles of champagne. My whole area felt like a freshman dorm. People didn't have to wonder, "Is this guy serious about his job?" It was entirely obvious. And, minus that pretense, you can have some pretty good conversation with unfamiliar co-workers.

To review: All you need to better tolerate your workplace? This, that and these.

*I have no idea what "gale force" is. But my pants hadn't been this wet since I was weaned off diapers.

See Volume I and II