Commuting Suicide
Killing myself slowly, day after day

Volume II: "Bathroom Etiquette"

Not many of these commuting stories will involve the Port Authority bathroom, because the Port Authority bathroom is a place I avoid. But my other option was pretending I spilled 7-Up.

On the way in, a young guy sprinted past me and into the stall, ignoring the homeless man arranging his multiple bags of garbage beside it. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" he yelled at the urinator but in my direction.

I looked down, then left. I could almost smell his eyes trained on me. "I'd never jump in front of you," I offered, no way to ignore him.

"That's right. Cause you're cool. Nobody cuts me." I'm not sure if this was advice, a threat, or some unwritten rule, unwritten only because the instructor was illiterate.

He stuck out a hand. A bonding ritual. This was a nightmare for anyone, but I get skeeved out sharing soda cans with my closest friends. No choice but to shake on it.

It was immediately proven a wise decision when he unexpectedly turned and spat on the stall-man's back. A urinal opened and I moved quickly, then struggled to go left-handed.

"I'd better calm down," he announced, "or they'll take me away again. Ha ha ha."

I finished up, nearly washed the skin off my hands, and fled the scene. Need to start carrying an empty 7-Up bottle around. A prop to better explain the pool of liquid in my lap. Beats homeless spit.

Travel through the Commuting Suicide archives.

I took a chance on Little Chapel on the River without knowing many details. The author's apartment was condemned after 9/11, so she moved upstate and spent a good chunk of time in a local bar. Then wrote a book about it.

My dream is to spend a good chunk of time in a local bar and write a book about it. Or not write one. Anyway, that's why I picked up Little Chapel on the River. I was not disappointed.

The book focuses on a Garrison, NY, pub/general store named Guinan's, and gives dimension to small towns and family-owned businesses everywhere.

Little Chapel makes you appreciate your local watering hole if you have one, and pine for one if you don't. The addiction that keeps the regulars regular is not alcoholism, but belonging. Though the alcoholism probably doesn't hurt. As more and more places like Guinan's announce their last calls, you wonder what will happen to all the people and all the friendships that rely on it. God forbid they all start blogging.

I'm giving this book my full endorsement. The author, Wendy Bounds, writes for the Wall Street Journal, and now covers the Small Business beat.

And dance, and dance, and dance, and dance.

(Can't ..type... laughing ...too.. hard)

More than the usual goings on at Grand Central today: a bunch of guys comically dressed like Einstein (it's the 100th anniversary of E=mc2) giving away Seed magazine, Japanese film crew and Lamborghinis to be had.

If you're in the neighborhood, be sure to check out the Inside Out street festival all day.

Google are having a Zeitgeist, and only 400 people are invited. Man, I'd love to know what this is about.

In an interview, Kirstin Dunst inadvertently (or maybe not) lets slip that the villains in the upcoming third Spider-Man movie will be Venom & The Sandman. Cue comic book aficionados everywhere beginning to salivate.

5)Bad Table...kinda speaks for itself, doesn't it?
4) Buy a shower curtain and save CBGB's at the same time.
3) You need a thank you gift for someone who absolutly loves to cook. I promise they will not already have a pot clip.
2) What every little girl wants...a doll that will freak her out every time she walks into the bedroom
1) And a very cool coffee table for your favorite rock fan.