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Suck-Up III - Revenge of the Suck

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In episode one, many questions were left unanswered.

In episode two, a ray of hope.

And now, YesBut brings you the story no other blog will waste time posting...
THE SUCK-UP INTERVIEW

Credits:
Questions - courtesy of interviewer extraordinaire - Aquaman
Answers - obviously from a probably really annoyed copywriter at Degree's PR agency
("like I don't have enough on my plate" - writer, probably)

YBNBY: Be honest. When your agent said, “I’ve got a part that’s perfect for you – The suck-Up Guy, you had to take offense, right?
S-U: Of course I wasn’t offended. I love any job I’m given.


YBNBY: Are there future plans for Suck Up guy? With all the branded entertainment out there, do you think people would tune into “The Suck-Up Guy Show”?
S-U: As long as my boss was cool with it, a show about me sounds great! I give the idea a thumbs-up.


YBNBY: Lots of intriguing deodorant advertising these days. Axe brought us axefeather.com, the opportunity to virtually tickle a beautiful, kinky model. Degree gave us a dude in a box. Your thoughts?
S-U: I try to think as little as possible. I generally ask my boss what he thinks, and then agree.


YBNBY: Degree claims it has “twice the protection” What’s the science behind that?
S-U: I'm not a scientist, but what I do know is that new Degree For Men isn't for me; it ONLY protects men who take risks. Degree For Men offers revolutionary technology designed specifically to protect against men’s stress-related odor and sweat.


YBNBY: Bob Woodward recently floated a Cheney-for-President test balloon on The Chris Matthews Show. If Cheney were to take on presumptive Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton in 2008, the country would become more polarized than ever, with both sides carrying the baggage of the last two administrations. My question – do you think a centrist third-party candidate has a chance to pick up moderate voters from both parties and pull off a huge upset? If you agree, which moderate would you like to see run?
S-U: GREAT QUESTION!!! You are so knowledgeable about current events. I like to avoid controversial subjects; for fear that I might offend someone. I wish I could vote for everyone!


YBNBY: What would have happened if you had to take a leak while in the box? Was this discussed beforehand?
S-U: My boss told me not to drink water 24 hours before taking on this job. That way I didn’t have to take any breaks and I stayed 110% effective.

YBNBY: Multiple Choice: Which band scored a big MTV hit with the “Man in the Box” video in 1990?
a. Nirvana
b. Alice in Chains
c. Stone Temple Pilots
d. Porno for Pyros
S-U: B


YBNBY: Describe a situation in which you were able to use persuasion to successfully convince someone to see things your way.
S-U: I like to persuade people to see things my boss’ way. My perspective is inconsequential.


YBNBY: It’s often said that young children have more fun playing with the box the toy came in than the toy itself. After your role as the Suck-Up Guy In-Action Hero, are you hurt by that?
S-U: No, I’m not offended by anything.

YBNBY: You have a choice. You could get “Vote Bo Bice” tattooed on your forearm. Or, from this day forward, the only music you can ever listen to is a compilation of Carrie Underwood’s performances from this season’s American Idol. Which would you choose?
S-U: You are almost as funny as my boss! My boss likes Bo Bice so I would definitely get the "Vote Bo Bice" tattooed on my forearm.


YBNBY: What’s the exact wording on your resume for this “Suck-Up Guy” stint?
S-U: A copy of my resume is on www.in-actionheroes.com -- some of my accomplishments include the following:

Grade School: Teacher's Pet, Apple Polisher
Middle School: Faculty Lounge Decorator
High School: Cheerleader
College: Resident's assistant


YBNBY: An Isosceles triangle has two equal sides. What are the measurements of the three angles?
S-U: The 3 angels of an Isosceles triangle add up to 180 degrees. The base angles are always congruent, but the angle measurements can change based on the length of the legs. I only know this because I tutor my boss’ kids (free of charge, of course!).


YBNBY: There are like 10 different degrees of Black Belt in karate. Sacred ancient tradition or just a scam to make the top performers continue to pay the monthly fees?
S-U: Great question! I’ll check with my boss and then tell you what he thinks.


YBNBY: In 1990, Ricky Henderson won the American League MVP over Cecil Fielder, despite Fielder’s league-leading 51 home runs. Several writers said Fielder’s case was hurt by the fact his Detroit Tigers finished third in their division, while Henderson’s A’s finished first. However, the following season, Fielder lost out to Cal Ripken, whose Orioles finished sixth while the Tigers again finished third. Does Fielder have the right to gripe? Explain your answer and cite statistics.
S-U: That sounds like a really interesting topic, but I’m forbidden to pay attention to sports because my boss thinks they might distract me.

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2 Comments

Man oh man. I don't know about his answers so much, but Aquaman my friend, take a bow, because those were some GREAT questions.

said Scaramouch on June 6, 2005 1:43 PM.

Agreed. Great job, A-man! Who else can we get him to interview?

said Evil Richard on June 6, 2005 2:00 PM.
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