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A Reading from the Book of Armaments, Chapter 4, Verses 16 to 20

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If you've ever thought to yourself "One day I must buy 16 reams of finest Bayeaux hessian, earthen thread spun on a young lady's thighs, and create a tapestry of the pageantry that is my life" - anyone? anyone? - well, here's a slightly easier alternative.

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